It’s a habit. Throughout the night, I wake up, fiddle with my ipod, select a podcast, stick my earphones in, and set the timer for 15 minutes – hoping that I will fall asleep before the talking stops.
One night, listening through my earphones, the simple phrase, “You are not broken,” took me by surprise. Instead of lulling me to sleep it woke me! The sheer thought of ME, not being broken, shocked me.
Wait a minute???! I thought we were all broken?! Honestly, I never considered otherwise.
Maybe… I was listening to the lyrics of Christian songs too much. Maybe… it was Christian-ese. Maybe… it was misinterpretation as I listened to Christian songs and Christian-ese. I’m not exactly sure. But I don’t think I’m alone in this.
I searched the scriptures and found periods of brokenness and a humbled/broken heart that God loves, but I never saw a state of being a broken person. Where we need to be fixed. Oh, sure, we all need sanctifying, but that doesn’t mean we are broken. It means we need to mature, grow beyond ourselves, reflect more of who God is.
The mentality of “being a broken person” leads to an attitude that we aren’t good enough.
Twice a year, when our sons were growing up, Chris and I would have a pow-wow and list out our children’s strengths and weaknesses. We’d write them down on an index card and put them on the refrigerator (before they could read). Strengths on one side. Weaknesses on the other. Our purpose was to remember to encourage our sons in their strengths and help them to identify areas where they were weak. Now, hear me out – we introduced their weaknesses as just a “thing” that existed and needed to be worked on. There was no condemnation, just a matter-of-fact acknowledgement that there was an area that needed extra attention. Or we needed to be aware of (beware of). See what I did there?!
Chris and I identified our strengths and weaknesses too, making them part of our language as we raised the boys. We explained that weaknesses are just strengths out of balance. They aren’t “bad,” just out of balance.
As life, or God, would have it, Chris is a perfectionist and I am not. Hence, I’m efficient and he is not. The same pattern exists with our two sons. These differences became common knowledge in our family and we worked around it. When we introduced a new board game – our oldest son read the directions. When we needed a quick response and helper, our second son was summoned.
A few years ago in the midst of renovating our house, my youngest son and I were anxious to tackle our list and be finished on this particular day. One item on the list was to install a new gate latch. Chris insisted that he would do it, but knowing his list was too long already, my son and I snuck around to the side of the house, laughing that we could surely install the latch before Chris even knew we were gone.
Lickety split – we drilled the holes, positioned the latch, screwed in the screws and POW! We were done! Exchanging high fives, we cheered and packed up our tools and checked the list for the next item. What we didn’t know at the time, in our haste, we had installed the latch backwards and the gate wouldn’t even budge – much less open!!! That day, we learned… not that we hadn’t known it before, but it was an AHA! moment…. If you want a job done “quickly,” come to my youngest son or me. If you want it done “right” go to my husband or oldest son. A gate latch needs to be done “right.” Believe me, there are plenty of jobs that need to be done quickly and detail doesn’t matter…. Or isn’t that important!
Sometimes our strengths become a bit out of balance and become weaknesses!
But that doesn’t mean we are broken.
I want you to know, the day I installed the gate latch backwards, I heard the committee in my head rattle off all kinds of insults:
“Really? You can’t install a gate latch correctly?!?”
“Wow, that’s embarrassing! What do you think of yourself?”
“Honestly, you really aren’t as smart as you think you are.”
And on, and on, and on. When those voices start crooning insults, reminding me how they think I’m incompetent and defective – I know I must pick up my armor and fight back.
If you aren’t sure about your self-talk, I challenge you to take a piece of paper and make a mark on the paper for each time you reprimand yourself in your head. It can be a phrase or an attitude. This simple exercise might surprise you. Battling those voices takes fortitude, courage and perseverance because the challenge to prove we are adequate will quite likely last a lifetime. In our human nature, we default to fear and doubt.
Here are some practical ways to silence the negative voices:
- Speak positively and out loud – you will believe your own voice more than anyone else’s
- Speak scripture out loud that reminds you of your value and that the Lord redeems our weaknesses (Psalm 139 is a great place to start)
- Use humor – That’s what I chose to do the day with the gate latch blunder. “Oh yeah? Well no one can get in the yard – that was the PURPOSE of having a latch!” We don’t have to take every mistake seriously. It’s not a reflection of who we are, but simply what we’re learning.
It takes intentionality to separate what you hear from what is true.
Yes, I had failed at installing the latch correctly. That was because I didn’t care to read the directions and follow them. I didn’t care. Not because I was dumb, not because I was inadequate. My son and I both decided it was worth the risk (not reading the directions and installing the latch wrong) vs. spending time needlessly. We were wrong. Perhaps next time, we’ll read the instructions – I doubt it!!!
Listen carefully – You are not broken, I am not broken.
We have areas of brokenness and times of having a broken spirit, but we are “normal.” You and I are people who are learning as we go.
We simply have areas that we need to work on.
Enjoy the journey – we are all TrekkingThru together!
If you are a blogger and interested in linking up your articles please do so below! I love reading your posts each week! Please be sure to mingle!
Anita Ojeda says
I loved this Char! Balance is so important (and self-talk even more so in maintaining it). I’ve never really pondered the whole broken thing before—thank you for pointing it out. We definitely go through periods of brokenness—like a snake that is trying to shed its skin so that it can grow—but it’s not lasting.
Char says
Anita I love your analogy of the snake molting. I think a broken spirit before the Lord is a humility and sober judgement. And periods of brokenness are a necessary part of our walk as prideful people. This through me for a loop and my scripture search helped me to see that we tell ourselves negative thoughts that reflect truth but aren’t necessarily truth.
KellyRBaker says
Wonderful wisdom here, Char!
Michele Morin says
Char, there is so much brilliance in this post, and I see the truth of it in my own life and in that of my kids as we guide them in this whole growing up/manhood thing. So often our weakness are a symptom of a strength turned on its head, and while I appreciate the grace of words around Christ healing our brokenness, I also am aware that this parlance is undermining our understanding of the wholeness that is ours in Christ.
So, thank you for all your good thinking!
Char says
I had to search the scriptures and see if I was really broken and needed mending. I couldn’t find it. But I do know I am His vessel and will always need to be on The Potter’s wheel so that I am transformed to be more like Him every day.
Chuck Reich says
Another GREAT read!
Like I always say, “We are all a bunch of wrinkled dress shirts and God is ironing us all out!”
Love ya!!!
Chuck
Char says
Amen! We do need every ounce of help from God that we can get. Thanks for reading and your encouragement!
Becky Hastings says
This is such a life altering perspective! Knowing who we are and how to overcome those negative thoughts will bring us closer to walking in the FREEDOM of God’s love!
Char says
That’s what I’m thinking!!!
Pam Ecrement says
This is excellent, Char! I think you are so right about this. What a great revelation from that podcast! Thanks so much for sharing this great insight with us all.
Char says
Thanks for reading Pam!
Patrick Weseman says
Very beautiful. I love this. Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
sue says
Excellent, as usual, Char- i pinned and will try to remember to speak grace to myself – i’m a speaker, after all – oh brother – but can yell lies along with the rest and best. I liked this: Mistakes:It’s not a reflection of who we are, but simply what we’re learning.
Char says
Thanks for the pin Sue and sharing honestly. I’m encouraged that you fight through the lies!
Marilyn Lesniak says
I hope you had a wonderful holiday with family and friends. Today I brought some ideas for leftovers for your holiday Ham, a Chicken Broccoli Cheddar Cheese Wreath, and my newest dessert, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cheesecake. Enjoy your week!
Lila Diller says
I agree with everything–except one thing. I agree that do not reside in a place of being broken, as believers. We are being changed, sanctified, made into the image of our Creator. I agree that living with a broken mindset leads to poor self-esteem, that we’re never good enough. And I appreciated your list of practical self-talk. So helpful! However, I don’t think our weaknesses are just strengths out of balance. At least, not all of them. God uses our weaknesses to keep us humble (2 Corinthians 12:5-10) and to show His strength through us, even in spite of us.
Btw, I wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award! You can see the nominations and the rules at http://www.liladiller.com/blog/mysterybloggeraward. Congrats!
Char says
Thank you for challenging me Lila. Sincerely. I see what you are saying and it is absolutely true. I was focused on overcoming the feeling of inadequacy because of our weaknesses. And that’s right where God meets us- His grace is sufficient. And we will always experience weaknesses. Especially in light of who God is. Submitted to Him, those weaknesses bring Him Glory!! Rather than shame for us. Wow that’s another study!! Love it! Thank you.
Char says
And thank you for the nomination Lila!
Donna Reidland says
I can see those same two tendencies in those in my family, too. I see some of both in me, depending on what’s involved. I can get so focused on the details that it bogs me down about some things and other things are much easier to just blow off and say “good enough.”
SUSAN SHIPE says
Char, finally made it to one of your linkup’s. Love this post!
Char says
Thanks for linking up Susan!!
Karen Woodall says
I had to laugh as I was reading your post. This is exactly the dynamic in our family. I’m the efficient and ‘get it done’ now gal, and my husband is the methodical one. and yes, i have done similar things with the same result. haha. thanks for the tips on learning how to quieten those loud voices in my head too!
Char says
So we’re normal?! Ha, YEA!!! Thanks for reading and sharing Karen!
Crystal Twaddell says
How many times I’ve referred to myself as “broken” and I’ve really just accepted it, but I think it is also an opportunity for shame to grow and weakness to settle in instead of acknowledging the true strength, growth, and redemption we walk in every day. This is such a mindset change, Char, and I love it!!!
Char says
I do too!!!
Rachel says
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve been hearing a lot about this subject lately. The idea that we are all broken is a comforting one- I suppose- because then we at least feel that we are not alone. However, Christ died to remove our brokenness- setting us free to live a life of wholeness. I wonder what He would think of this “broken is beautiful” concept that seems to be making waves of late??
It’s something I’ve been pondering more and more as of recently….
Char says
Honestly, I had never even considered that I wasn’t “broken” until I heard that voice in my earphones. One of my pet peeves is believing Christian-ese vs. the bible, so I had to search it out. I know there is a beautiful brokenness before the Lord – recognizing who He is and specifically, who I am not. But, I think we need to get a hold of how complete and capable we are in Christ, because He makes us WHOLE. Thanks for your thoughts Rachel.