When I hung up the phone after we talked last week, my heart was conflicted. I was both touched deeply by your honesty and love – yet saddened by your struggle.
Listening to your heart, I prayed for the words to respond. When you are struggling, I always want to find a solution and make things better – like when you were little. But in the end, just being understood and loved is what we all want/need. Good thing! Because it’s rare that I have the answer ready to roll off my tongue.
Although I haven’t seen you in a few months, when you shared with me that you didn’t like what you saw when you looked in the mirror – I knew your outlook was your struggle. Perhaps you put on a few pounds? I know you pretty well and didn’t think you had. Even if you did, most of us would give up a prized possession to look that good.
I didn’t ask. It didn’t matter.
After we hung up, I thought about some things I wish I had said. Isn’t it always that way?! So, I’d like to share with you…
When life is off kilter, and I’m “icky,” there are some things that I take a look at. These are what I call my “Non-Negotiables.” Non-negotiables are the things that must be in place in order for life to go smoothly. Oh, don’t misunderstand me – a day isn’t a day unless something goes wrong! Life is unpredictable and messy. But if any of those top 3 or 4 items on my Non-negotiable list are not in order for a couple days in a row – it’s better if I find a big rock and crawl under it.
Here, I’ll share a few of mine so you can understand what I’m talking about. Remember, these are mine, exclusive to me. Everyone’s non-negotiables are different.
Here we go! MY top 4:
- The house has to be picked up. Not cleaned , just not “messy”
- I have to have good quality journaling with the Lord, i.e., quiet time
- Exercise
- Eat right
There’s a long list after those 4, but those are my tippy top points that must be in line for all to be fine in “Char’s world!” And when things are amuck in my world, I guarantee at least two of those are not happening.
For instance, this morning I felt overwhelmed with everything I needed to accomplish and started feeling defeated. Because I’ve been doing this a while, I know to start with my Non-negotiables. Is the house picked up? Nope! It was a mess. (Partly because of the project dad has going on, but I can deal with that if everything else is in its place) You know I’m not a neat freak, but I really can’t deal with chaos. So, I set the timer for 30 minutes and zoomed through the kitchen, bedroom and baths picking things up and putting them away. And instantly I felt better and able to take on the day!
If you want to determine your Non-negotiables, take a look at this checklist and this post I wrote which explains it a little further.
I’d encourage you to take a little time today and think about those things that shake your world if they aren’t done. Quite likely, self-care is at the top of your list as a young mom.
Now let’s talk for a minute about how you value yourself…..When I saw you yesterday, I was shocked by how amazing you look – in comparison with how you feel about yourself. Being one of the most beautiful young ladies I know, I’m always amazed when you don’t feel good about yourself. But honestly, we all struggle with that. Unless we stop lying to ourselves as women, we will be forever in bondage to our negative thinking. It’s time to take charge and realize we are valuable and precious.
Listen, we all want to look in the mirror and feel good about ourselves. And that’s okay. It’s not prideful or arrogant, or selfish. It’s important to look as good as we can so that we can be used by God and attractive to others. You’re good at that! Even though the kids are small, you always take time to make sure you look nice, dress nice and maintain a nice appearance. Sweetie, I urge you to remember:
[bctt tweet=”No mirror, thought, or opinion can define us.” username=”https://twitter.com/TrekkingChar”]
Your value is already set. By the One who planned you from the beginning of time. Here is one of the most beautiful verses about His love for you (and me…and all believers)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
The Lord will provide everything you need. He adores His creation in you! And remember He is with you through thick and think loving you through and through!
Don’t be discouraged – this is a tough time. Being a young lady in a very airbrushed world is a challenge most women struggle with. We put a lot of expectations on ourselves, but you only have to be true to who you are and who God created you to be. Even your sweet smile ministers to those who cross paths with you every day. Just like their smiles minister to you!
I encourage you to be sure to have some quiet time every day. For reflection. For devotion. For prayer. And to listen to the heart of God. There is no more authentic picture of your value, than how He sees you.
Another verse I love is found in Deuteronomy that says,
…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life… (Deut. 30:19-20)
Did you catch how much God is like me??!! Ha Ha! But seriously, he told you- you have a choice (life and death, blessings and curses) and then he urged you to make His choice (choose life)!!! Because He loves you and wants the best thing for you!
Walk in those blessings my sweet daughter!
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Have a great week!
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Debbie Williams says
Char beautiful letter for all His daughters. He does adore His creations, and it’s sad sometimes we don’t love ourselves. Love you non-negotiables, and the checklist.
Char says
As Joyce Meyer says: “We should love ourselves because wherever we go.. there we are!”
Anita Ojeda says
Aw! What a beautiful letter to your daughter, Char! My list of non-negotiables is similar (I’m not quite as worri d about the house being picked up 😉 ).
Char says
I actually don’t have a daughter Anita! But if I did this is something I Can imagine saying to her. I think the reason I like my house being picked up is because chaos drives me crazy. Have a great week!
Cheryl says
Thank you for the beautiful reminder!
Crystal says
What a tender and wise encourager you are! I so connected with your mother heart. Love the concept of non-negotiables.
Char says
That’s a real compliment from your tender heart! Thanks friend!
Michele Morin says
I’d never thought of it specifically before, but those 4 “tippy” points are really pivotal for me as well.
And I hope for this kind of openness some day with my tiny grand girl. Thanks for the open letter we all need to read.
Char says
That’s amazing that we have the same non-negotiables. Thanks for stopping in Michele!
KellyRBaker says
What a sweet letter, Char. I read in another comment that you don’t have a daughter, but how awesome that you are being a spiritual mother. 🙂 I’ll pick up your thoughts on “a day is not a day unless there is something that goes wrong.” I’m optimistic in the mornings, but when things go wrong I often see it as a disappointment. But it’s no big deal, just life, right? Thanks for your thoughts.
Char says
It’s so true Kelly. I’ve noticed when we expect life to be easy it’s much harder than if we just look at life as full of obstacles and opportunities! And all of it being part of the process…
Becky Hastings says
Beautiful letter! I love all the deep heart points you make, but I also love the practical 4 point list. It’s interesting how we all have those things that we need to feel grounded, centered, like us.
Marilyn Lesniak says
Thank you for being so supportive of other bloggers. I think parties are the best social media strategy around!! I linked my Lil Leprechaun Snack Mix, Green Pistachio Sweet Bread and Crock Pot Corned Beef and Cabbage to get you ready for St. Patrick’s Day! I hope you enjoy them. Have a happy week! #OverTheMoon #WWBlogHop #ThursdayFavoriteThings
Grammy Dee | Grammy's Grid says
Thanks for hosting! I shared your party ♥
Char says
Thanks Grammy!
Jerralea says
Beautiful letter! Thanks for reminding us He loves His creation in us!
Patrick Weseman says
What a beautiful letter that inspires people. Thanks for sharing it. Thanks for hosting and have a wonderful rest of the week.
Donna Reidland says
What a beautiful letter! It’s one we all need from time to time. It is an air-brushed world we live in and we women are good at piling on ourselves, aren’t we?