Dear Serial Dieter,
Imagine ending the battle of trying to fix yourself. What would that be like?
As a chronic dieter, you probably have this vision of what life will be like “someday….” when you conquer your battle with food. When you finally lose weight.
Have you ever felt like that? Someday, when things are different, life will be GREAT!!
Someday when I lose the weight, I’ll:
Finally be able to do the things I want to do
Finally be “Somebody Special”
Go on that vacation to the beach
Break into that friendship group
Honestly, that constant endeavor to be something we aren’t…..…..is what was holds us back. The striving – although it seems a good idea, backfires. Considering ourselves unacceptable until we accomplish a weight goal or performance goal, merely results in low self-esteem, shame, and a cycle of avoiding people or opportunities that we are waiting to be “ready” for. The cycle repeats and then becomes a mindset.
“But, I’m just 15 (insert your number) pounds away,” you say to yourself.
Think about it:
In 15 (or whatever your number is) pounds:
Will you be better able to handle stress and deal with problems that overwhelm you today?
Will you magically know how to engage in relationships and challenges that you cannot today?
Does being thin compute to being strong?
Will you be less judgmental of yourself?
Will your emptiness be filled?
Losing weight doesn’t change a lot, actually it takes away your excuses and you’ll be forced to face issues that you now avoid. Being thin doesn’t make you stronger. The situations where we turn to food are the ones we need to learn to lean on God. Typically, when we lose weight, we expect a miraculous change due to our external beauty/acceptance, and we forget that internally we are still the same – ill equipped to face the same struggles, and that’s why so many of us start overeating again….. And the cycle begins again.
As serial dieters, we turn to food when we’re not hungry because were searching for something only God can fill. We’re stressed, overwhelmed, judging ourselves, out of control, etc. These are the moments we need to use our desire for food as a barometer. Use that barometer as an indicator that you have a situation. Use kindness and curiosity. With God, you can get through it.
Journal, pray, meditate, call a trusted friend. Until you start walking step by step through your stressors, you will continue repeating the yo-yo cycle– lying to yourself that your weight is an indicator of your value.
You see, it’s not about the food, it’s not about the weight. It’s about your mindset.
When we “should” ourselves continually, we make the problem worse. We judge ourselves according to a standard that isn’t achievable. “Someday” is like a mirage and instead of facing what’s really going on the inside, we make an excuse as to why today isn’t the day to stop and face the crisis.
The truth is: Today is the day.
Today is an indicator of how you will handle tomorrow.
Oh, my friend, please have mercy on yourself! Practice kindness. You are beautiful through and through. Sure, we all have some rough edges that need to be smoothed, but this continual examination and scrutiny is defeating. Enjoy! You have a beautiful life and every moment counts. You can’t push “rewind.” And when you don’t accept yourself the way you are today, a cycle of unacceptance and insecurity is being created. This cycle creates shame (because you “should” be better) and stifles living. Not only that, it impedes on your ability to be used by God – which is one of the greatest joys this life offers!
A few months ago I was invited to a luncheon with a friend. I did the typical going thru this outfit and that outfit trying to decide what to wear. You know the drill! Deciding on a blouse and dress pants, I decided to accessorize with a scarf modeling it every which way to make sure that it looked just right. To be totally honest, I knew there was no way that I could look as stylish or pretty as the guests that I was accompanying. As I drove to meet them, I listened to my thoughts. Naturally, they started ruminating slanderous pronouncements, but I caught myself and declared out loud, “This is me. I am being true to myself. I’m wearing an outfit that is me. I’m wearing my scarf in a way that might not be as formal and beautiful as someone else would… but this is me. I am okay!” Instantly, I felt better and made a decision to rest in who I was. Acceptable and invited. A peace swept over me and I had a lovely afternoon. When the Chatterbox started her chatter in my head, I quieted her and chose peace and acceptance.
There’s freedom in accepting who we really are. Instead of who we think others expect us to be. There’s freedom in relaxing and just being you/me knowing that God created us and we’re not a mistake. I realized that day that I am just right. And if I need any altering, I am certainly able to do that – to a certain extent. But for the day it was vital for my mindset to walk in the beauty of my own uniqueness. Winning little battles like this is what gives us momentum to continue and reject that constant judgement we serve ourselves.
If we’re waiting to be better before we do such-and-such, we aren’t living.
We’re waiting.
For another day when we might be a little “better.”
It’s as if Mom is shaking her finger and saying, “You have been a bad girl/boy today, you cannot go out and play.” Yet there are opportunities, ventures and relationships that are being put on hold that we could be taking advantage of and enjoying today!
Today can be great! The choice is yours! It’s in your mindset.
But this constant dieting and propaganda that you feed yourself – that life will be so much better and easier to manage when you lose the weight, is self-defeating.
Trust me friend, even when you don’t see anything happening, dig your heels in and trust that your steps are making progress. One day, like with me, you will hear your thoughts and realize that you are accepting the beauty of the day and the beauty of being uniquely you!
I can’t wait for that day for you!
P.S. If you would like to receive the worksheets that coincide with the “Dear Serial Dieter” series, please subscribe in the sidebar. Also, if you’d like to join our private Facebook group “TrekkingThru to Freedom” for encouragement along the way, let me know!!
Michele Morin says
One perspective-altering question I ask myself is this: “Do you want to be messing around with this exact same problem next year?”
Char says
That’s a great way to get a perspective Michele. Thanks for sharing!
Cheryl says
Thank you so much for your inspiration; your message hits home in so many ways!
Lisa notes says
This is awesome advice for whatever plagues us: “It’s not about the food, it’s not about the weight. It’s about your mindset.” I need to remember this every day. Thanks, Char!
Char says
Me too Lisa. Every day I need to challenge my thoughts. I’m so grateful for the plethora of resources available to help us keep on track. I try to listen to good, positive podcasts, speakers every day.
Katrina Hamel says
I love this! Thanks for sharing this encouragment!
After weeks of trying to eat healthy (which is what I said, but what I really meant was lose the winter weight) and thinking about food all the time until I was exhausted, I recently just threw in the towel. I decided to eat what gave me energy and what made me feel good. I’ve got better things to think about than something as boring as my Jean size!
Char says
It’s amazing when we wave the flag of surrender and listen to what our bodies really need. Good for you Katrina!
Lauren Sparks says
Such an encouraging message. laurensparks.net
Jerralea Miller says
“When we “should” ourselves continually, we make the problem worse.”
So true! I’m an expert in beating myself up.
Thanks for sharing, Char. I really believe you get at the heart of the problem – it’s not the weight, it’s the mindset.
Char says
I’ve heard it said: “Don’t should all over yourself.” We tend to do that…
Donna Reidland says
Most days I feel like I’ve made progress with this, but it can still be a battle at times. Thanks for writing so honestly about a common struggle. Blessings!
Char says
I’ve learned that we have to stay alert! It sounds like you have too
Debra Jean says
Such great words, and they apply to everyone, not only serial dieters. It really goes back to were our identity is. I have started saying “God confidence” it is so much better than self confidence. Our enemy is very good and manipulating our feelings and insecurities as a tool. My post this week is how Satan uses sin and shame as ammunition. I think it ties in well with what you are saying here. Many Thanks 8)
Monica B. says
Char,
Reading your entry made me feel like I am listening to what’s really going on inside my head and heart. Your are correct. We are merciless with ourselves. I truly appreciated what you said to yourself to help yourself on the drive over to the luncheon. We tend to magnify things in our head and those other people probably think you are just as pretty as them and that your outfit is just as tasteful as theirs. In truth… you are beautiful and you dress in a very classy way!! But I’m still glad that you quieted the chatter. It’s a great example of how to handle those moments of swirling self critical comments. I’m going to try that the next time it catch myself “going off on myself”. Which will come up quickly, I’m sure. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. Every word resonated with me. Your so positive!! Your amazing.
Monica
Char says
Thanks Monica for your encouragement. I think one of the most powerful points in my little victory that I shared was that there was no way I would “measure up” to the other women. But that’s OK…😁
Patrick Weseman says
Just such lovely and powerful words. Thanks for sharing them. Also, thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
Anita Ojeda says
Yes! We need to embrace life now, and make a commitment to work on ourselves with baby steps and lots of self-grace :).
Char says
Lots of self grace!