Dear Young Mom,
I was shopping the other day for a baby outfit for a friend and I ran across an adorable red, white, and blue onesie that declared the proper honor due to you! It said:
Who needs a superhero?! I have a Mommy!
You are a superhero! Especially to your little ones.
I’m sure there are days that you don’t feel like a superhero and you feel drained. You feel like you’ve got nothing left to give. Watching the clock, you try to just make it to that time when hubby crosses the threshold – hoping for some relief. Until he arrives and you notice that he’s got that look on his face and you know: He’s got nothing left to give.
Those are tough days in which the future can look just a little too long.
When I was young mom I didn’t embrace the mindset of nurturing myself. I thought those moms who needed “ME time” were, well… um…selfish. Hindsight is a great teacher and it’s easy to see that (although my children were my first priority) we all need nurturing throughout life. How can anyone possibly give from an empty vessel? No doubt there’s a delicate line between having our needs met and being selfish. Honestly, only you and God can reconcile where that line is. Oh, I certainly formed some opinions about friends when I thought their line was a little too far over on the “Selfish” side – but really, how would I know? I couldn’t.
So, let’s talk about getting your needs met so that when your husband comes home, and he’s exhausted from slaying dragons all day too, you’re not devastated and looking for him to meet a need that he can’t.
Take a minute and think about what is it that fills your soul? It’s different for everyone. Is there a common trend that you’ve noticed about a day that’s filled with peace and joy?
Maybe you’ll understand what I’m talking about a little bit better if I explain it this way: If my house is a mess, I feel cluttered and weighed down. But if it’s tidy, I definitely function better mentally. Also, I’ve noticed that when I plan my day, even if I write down just a few tasks, I consistently end up accomplishing more and feeling like a champion! (Note: It’s the “feeling like a champion” that we’re going for here…not “getting more done.” You’re already doing a lot!)
Those “trends” are what I call Non Negotiables. In short, Non Negotiables are those things that you personally need in your day to “have a good day.” No – I’m not saying if these things don’t happen, you’ll have a bad day. Rather, these Non-negotiables are what sets you up to feel not-so-weighed-down by life.
Let’s face it – as a young mom, you have a lot of different things pulling on you – literally. Even Superheros like you get tired and feel defeated some days.
By understanding what your Non-negotiables are for you, you can set yourself up for a less overwhelming day.
Perhaps you do better with some quiet time before the kids wake up. Or maybe you’ve noticed a good workout helps to get the endorphins flowing and puts you in a better mood. If you have to wake up a little earlier…try it and see if the payoff is worth it. Maybe not, maybe so. You’ll figure it out pretty quickly as you try a few different things.
Unfortunately, we can’t really look to another person to meet our needs. We try, but only God can do that. Your children are growing and need you – there’s nothing like a Mamma! Your husband has been out slaying dragons and your friends have battles they’re fighting during the day as well.
Take some time to nurture you, so that you can nurture them – without feeling drained.
You are a superhero,
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Rebecca Hastings says
I love the idea of looking for what you’ve done on days that you feel more filled, more rested, more human!
Making a list (even a mental one) of those non-negotiables is a great idea. I’m ten years removed from baby days, but I remember my two non-negotiables were to take a shower and get out of the house every day. It didn’t always happen, but making it a priority sure helped!
Char says
You’re right, those non-negotiables don’t always happen. But knowing them brings a sense of relief knowing that tomorrow is another day and another opportunity!
Michele Morin says
Words of grace for young mums, and for mums of all ages!
Char says
Words of grace… I love that!
Laurie says
You are doing young mothers such a service by writing these letters. I remember being so tired and stressed when I was a mom of 3 young rambunctious boys. “Non-negotiables” are a wonderful concept. Isn’t it amazing how our perceptions change as we age? 🙂
Char says
It is amazing how little I know when I thought I knew so much. Now I’m convinced I have lots and lots to learn!!
Patrick Weseman says
That is such great advice for everyone. Thanks for sharing it. I love your weekly words of wisdom. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
Char says
Thanks for stopping by and reading. You are an encouragement!
Gayl says
“When I was young mom I didn’t embrace the mindset of nurturing myself.” That describes me, too. I thought it was selfish to take time for yourself when your family needed you. I wish someone had encouraged me more to take care of myself when my kids were young. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the non-negotiables. I think that can help all of us. It’s easy to get busy and forget to care for ourselves, but how can we care well for others if we are depleted? Blessings to you!
Char says
I didn’t really have anyone encouraging me in that way either Gayl. A couple times a year I sit down and write a list of my non-negotiables. It’s still very relevant to having a clear mind sad. For me.
Lauren Sparks says
Good advice for those in any stage of life. laurensparks.net
Lureta says
I remember how exhausted I use to be, working a full time job outside the home and still trying to give all of me to my kids. You are right, we cannot give from a place of emptiness. As moms we definitely need refilling from a place of restoration and renewing.
Great post!
Char says
Isn’t it amazing how much we were able to do when we were faced with the “have to’s” of parenting little ones?! A joy for sure – but young moms definitely need to be refilled.
~ linda says
Char, I am not a young mom but I am taking your advice for myself!! Nurturing myself is not something I have ever done well. I am ready to start though! Thanks.
Char says
Good for you Linda. I have to find a balance myself.
Maree Dee says
Such wisdom you offer to moms, both young and seasoned. I like “Non-negotiables are for you” we all should pay attention to this. Blessings, Maree
Char says
Thanks Maree. Have a great week.
Denise Renae says
Char, every time I read your posts I feel like you are the spiritual mom/mentor I’ve always desired. Thanks so much for this post. You are so right, how can we give on an empty tank. My husband is so wonderful in letting me get out when I really need it! The most draining time for me in a day is when I’m trying to get too much stuff done and my kids are not cooperating. Those are the most stressful times. So, I have to be intentional with not ‘overbooking’ my day and allowing flexibility to keep the peace in the home! Thanks again!