Dear Young Mom,
I suppose growing older makes us reflect a little more on our past. Friday night I had a chance to reminisce and reflect with a very dear friend. We talked about our marriages, our mistakes, and how young and naïve we were when we first started our families. We admitted that we didn’t really know how to be good wives and didn’t have a strong support system around us… we were “winging it!”
It was at that point that my friend asked a question that was very thought-provoking, “ If you could rewind your life, to which point in time would you rewind?” This wasn’t a question of changing big life decisions, but a chance to recreate something better with what we had.
Pausing, I reflected and thought, “Hmmmm, probably right after hubby and I returned from our honeymoon. I made so many mistakes early on in my marriage.“ The conversation ensued with details about my mistakes and how dumb I was. My friend went on to share how she would rewind her life to a particular time and why she thought that would be a good reset point.
Following the train of thought, we then talked about what we would do differently. How would we change our lives for the better? And then we realized… Maybe we wouldn’t have.
Without knowledge, and wisdom, nothing changes.
And as we reflected on our circle of friends at our ‘reset’ points, we realized that we didn’t have mentors in our lives during that period of time. No doubt, there was a lacking on our part, but we had no one to seek wise counsel from either.
As we talked, we realized life would have been very different if we could mentor our “younger me’s.” Obviously, we can’t rewind and there are no re-do’s, but maybe you can learn from our mistakes…
Which is why I write you today.
Having a mentor or two in your back pocket is like having cheerleaders rooting for you as you run towards the goalpost; it’s life-giving. And having someone to spur you on is empowering!
You may not know who could mentor you, be encouraged! There are women all around you with wisdom in areas which you’d like to grow. When you look for someone to mentor be sure that your mentor:
- Is a female that you feel comfortable with
- Believes in you
- Wants your best
- Has wisdom
Mentors can come in many forms. But they always want what’s best for you.
If you’re not sure if she wants the best for you…um, then you know she isn’t the right mentor for you.
Although in our dreamy state (you know, where rainbows and butterflies surround us every day) we’d like to think there is a perfect mentor for everyone. Maybe for some, but typically Superwoman only exists in the movies.
I’d like to propose that it might be more realistic for you to consider several mentors. Consider a mentor for bible study, for parenting, for marriage, for self-development. As a woman, you probably have your hand in several different pots and so do other women.
Instead of spending your time looking for one woman who can lead you through life, look for a couple.
When I wasn’t sure how to handle the Santa Claus dilemma, I asked a friend who had older children. She shared how she and her husband celebrated the legend of Santa Claus with their children so they could still participate in the fun without feeling tricked. I loved that idea and we implemented it when the kids were growing up!
When my marriage was strained, and I wondered why I married my husband (we all do at some point), I had a friend that would be totally honest with me (and still is) and gently remind me that I’m no box of chocolates, point me to redemption, and encourage me in truth and love. She’s invested in my life, she listens, she prays and I hang up encouraged. She’s my spiritual momma.
When I found a lump in my breast, I called an older wiser friend that convinced me that telling my husband before (rather than after) a diagnosis, was the best choice. I was sure I was saving him stress and worry, but she guided me to see a more reasonable way.
Young mom, if you don’t feel like you have a mentor, pause and take a deep breath – you might be surprised. Is there someone you can call and ask to pray with you? Start there. Praying together builds a relationship. Or approach your pastor’s wife and ask her for a suggestion. Typically there are older women that would love to invest in a young momma like you. Women love to help others. And how wonderful to think that we are offering wisdom to a young momma that can avoid some of the pitfalls we see we made.
Above all, pray for wisdom when seeking a mentor. Look at her fruit. Is she victorious and Christlike in the area you are seeking guidance? Is she humble but confident? Does she love to help others?
You know that saying, “It takes a Village” to raise children? It does. Honestly, it takes a village to walk through life without cracking up! Lean on the Lord for daily guidance, but realize that He surrounds us with others that can help us walk through the days with grace.
Ask. Pray. And ask. Women love to help! Tap into that!!
Praying for you as you seek wise women,
Reader, If you’d like a pdf version of this letter, unsigned to give to a friend, please subscribe in the sidebar and I will gladly send one to you!
Michele Morin says
Thanks, Char, for your offerings of wisdom here and the warm welcome each week!
Rebecca Hastings says
So wise. And i find that there are mentors for seasons in my life too.
Char says
That’s a really good point Rebecca. We have different needs through different seasons…
Monica Bowes says
This is an incredible article Char. You have always been like a mentor to me although you may or may not realize it. There were seasons and situations that I don’t believe I would have made it with out you. (Giving full glory to The Lord of course)!😀. Your posts and articles are refreshing, inspiring and encouraging. I’m grateful for you!
Monica
Char says
Oh wow, thanks Monica! Your friendship is a blessing to me!
Lauren Sparks says
Good advice. laurensparks.net
Patrick Weseman says
That is so true and a very lovely post. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
nylse says
Now that I’m a certain age, my personal ministry is to mentor young moms in whatever capacity they need. I try to offer practical help, so often it is blessing them materially. Other times it is providing advice and reassurance that we’ve all walked this road. I’ve found that though I’m intentional in this regard the relationship works best when it’s mutual and organic. I used to cringe at being a Titus 2 woman because the models I saw were old and frumpy but now I eagerly accept this new role. BTW it takes a village is an African proverb.
Char says
You’re an awesome example Nylse! I think the organic relationship is great!
Lisa notes says
I didn’t really have any particular mentor growing up, but I did have several moms of my friends that I knew were watching out for me. And my friends would often ask me questions to ask my mom for them. 🙂
Char says
That’s nice how you shared moms!
Laurie says
Wonderful idea! I have had so many great mentors in my life. I am thankful to each one! I also feel like I am a mentor to my DILs. We have loving relationships and I am close to all of them. They call me several times a week, just to talk.
Char says
I love that relationship you have with your DILs. I pray I will have the same. Mine is a precious gift from God.
sue says
so true on all points. I thought about this a lot when I wrote my book: Table Mentoring: A Simple Guide to Coming Alongside. And I’m incredibly grateful to God for my mentor (having breakfast with her tomorrow! ) Blessings, sue
Char says
Oh how nice! Enjoy your breakfast! Sounds like your book is a perfect companion to this post.
susan says
I really loved this post, Char. It’s all such good insight and truth. Having a mentor, or several are truly a necessity. I too didn’t figure this out until later on in my marriage, but I’m so thankful for the women I have in my life now that have gone before and help guide the way.
Char says
Amen Susan! We really do need others as we walk this journey!
April says
Oh i just love this post!! It is so true that having a mentor(s) is a beautiful thing especially when she points you to the Lord and guides you with realness and truth!! I have had 1 mentor that has stuck by me through thick and thin and let me tell you, I probably made her want to pull her hair out at times. She has pointed me towards Jesus so much in the last 20yrs that I’m so grateful for her in my life. I am most definitely have a heart to mentor because I learned from the best!!
Char says
What a precious relationship to have as you grew April. I, too, have a spiritual momma that has been there for me for every step of the way as I raised my children. One of the most precious moments was when I recently received heartbreaking news about a friend – I barely got the words out to tell her and she just wept with me. Aren’t we so blessed to have these precious women? Truly Jesus with skin on…