I don’t know exactly when it started or how it spread, but I’m sad to say even I’m infected.
And last night – it smacked me in the face.
Let me backtrack a little. Last week my husband and I were talking about the importance of listening and how rampant interrupting (and not genuinely listening) has become in our recent conversations with others.
To justify our frustrations, Chris and I exchanged stories of recent times when we realized that the person we’re talking to isn’t even listening. We admitted we’re both guilty of interrupting each other and committed to do our best to listen intently.
And don’t you know… while visiting with our family last night – it happened! Less than 24 hours later! As he was speaking, I carefully waited for the pause and began to interject my comment and BOOM! He barreled right over me! My mouth dropped to the floor, I planted one foot in front of the other and pointed at him, “You did it!” and he knew exactly what I meant as we chuckled at the mistake. That guy….
Oh yeah, that guy….. Ha!
Epidemics spread fast when you let your guard down. After laughing at my husband, I turned and began talking to my son who attempted to share a story about the kids he works with…. and POW! I heard myself cut him off… Less than two minutes after I had made a spectacle of my husband for cutting me off…… grrrrr. I was obviously not listening with my heart. And if you have sons you may understand how difficult it is to get them to talk in the first place! Now I understand what they mean by “eating crow.” That would have been better than how I felt as I begged for forgiveness for my offense.
Let me dare to bring this closer to home. How are you as a listener?
Think of a recent conversation, did you…
- Interrupt?
- Show impatience as you waited for them to finish speaking?
- Look around while the other person was talking?
- Suggest solutions before they fully explained the problem?
- Misinterpret what they said?
- Demonstrate with your body language that you were uninterested?
- Spend more time talking than listening?
- Allow your mind to wander, causing you to miss what they were saying?
It is a challenge to be engaged and stay focused.
Actually, all this verbal warfare with the constant interruptions can be quite comical. A short time ago, I was with some friends that have a gift to gab. Mistakenly, I thought I’d like to interject a valuable and encouraging comment. So I waited for a pause. One came. Ooops! I missed it! So, I waited… seized the opportunity, and shared my encouragement – Well, no that’s not exactly how it went.
As I began my comment, I was interrupted. Frustrated yet determined to express my inspiration for the benefit of the person I was attempting to encourage – I took a deep breath, and tried again. Once again, I was interrupted. Not to be outdone, I just kept talking… raising my voice a wee bit louder in my quest to win the verbal battle. Looking back, I chuckle at the ridiculousness of that! I did “win” but seriously who can make heads or tails of a conversation like that – much less receive encouragement?!
[bctt tweet=”Being a good listener is an integral part of any healthy relationship.” username=”https://twitter.com/TrekkingChar”]
Being a good listener is an integral part of any healthy relationship. And in this world of gazillion distractions, listening is a challenge that requires concentration.
Remember, we all feel valued when we are understood. Understanding requires listening to more than the words people say, it requires listening with your heart. When you listen with your heart an empathy is born that helps you reach out and touch the soul of the one you care about. And they know it.
[bctt tweet=”Understanding someone requires listening to more than the words people say. ” username=”https://twitter.com/TrekkingChar”]
Here are some tips to becoming a good listener:
- Determine to talk less than you listen
- Ask pertinent questions to engage in the conversation and learn more about your friend
- Maintain eye contact, don’t allow your eyes to wander to what’s happening around you
- Let your friend get their thoughts out, then share your accompanying thoughts.
Don’t find yourself in my shoes – guilty of the same thing that irritates you!! Let’s learn to listen with our hearts and honor those that care to share their time with us.
And as Debbie says, in the comments below, let’s apply this to our relationship with the Lord. Listen to hear. Listen to understand. Listen to learn more about Him rather than tell him all that’s on our mind – He knows it anyway, doesn’t he?!
Another timeless truth in God’s word….
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Michele Morin says
Love the advice to watch the fractional part of the conversation spent listening. I struggle with this — and it’s embarrassing to read this post and to realize that I’m so insensitive. Thanks for calling me out on it.
Char says
I’m right there with you. Fortunately we have people that still love us and we can continue to practice!! Have a blessed week Michele.
Debbie Putman says
Char, why is listening, true listening, so difficult? Even though I know the techniques of true listening, I often (usually) don’t apply them, putting myself first. And I don’t just do it with people; I also do this with God. Thanks for these reminders of the importance of truly listening…
Char says
Hi Debbie – I tend to regress to what is “natural” if I’m not focused and intentional. Wow, honestly, thanks for the reminder to apply this to the Lord… I may need to edit this post….
Monica says
Char, I am so so so guilty of this type of “dysfunctional” and selfish communication!!! It seems I know how to magically forget that I’m that way… but your article has really hit home for me. I really love what you said and I’m going to consciously (today)be a much better listener one day at a time !!! 🙊 🌷💜
Monica
Char says
Awesome! One day at a time – how we create good habits. By the way, you’re a great listener Monica.
Marilyn Lesniak says
Thank you for another fun party. Enjoy your week!
Sue Donaldson says
me, too! me, too! So guilty. Maybe that’s why my word of the year is Listen (well) – I may need a second year…thanks, char
Char says
I love that Sue! Listen (well). I hear, but sometimes I don’t listen (well). Love it!
Lisa notes says
I know I do this too. 🙁 I meet with a group of ladies for a book club, and each time I promise myself that I’ll listen more and talk less. I’m not a big talker anyway, but even with that, I can find myself interrupting others when I don’t need to. Thanks for the encouragement to do better!
Char says
I’m not a big talker either – I suppose that’s why sometimes I justify my interruptions amongst very talkative people…silly. Thanks for sharing Lisa!
Donna Reidland says
Genuine listening is so important to a relationship. But, even though I know it, it’s so easy to fall into interrupting and other unloving habits. Thanks for such a convicting post! Blessings!
Char says
Genuine listening is…. It helps us really get to know those we are in relationship with. Everyone has a story and sometimes it takes listening to what they aren’t saying to hear it.
Valerie Murray says
So good! I think “listening with your heart” is a great way to evaluate wether or not I am really listening. And listen to understand. I love what you said in your comment that sometimes it takes listening to what they aren’t saying to hear it.
Char says
It’s a process and I’m counting progress instead of perfection!! Thanks for stopping by Valerie!
Leslie says
Char, this is such a great topic. I’m so guilty!!! I’ve interrupted so much that I never even realized I was doing it, just as you explained in the article. These are great tips for better listening and I loved this statement you made – “Understanding requires listening to more than the words people say, it requires listening with your heart.” I’ll be sharing this article!
Char says
Hi Leslie! I’ve been trying to concentrate on listening intently and trying to learn about them! Thanks so much for reading Leslie!
Grammy Dee from Grammy's Grid says
So many are guilty of doing this, often times I wonder to myself if those I’m talking to really hear what I’m saying. Thank you Char for hosting. I shared your party on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, and Twitter.
Char says
Thanks for sharing the party Grammy Dee!!! Honestly – I’m sure that most times people aren’t listening – so it inspires me to listen better 🙂
Barbie says
I would like to think that I’m a good listener, but I know that my skills need a lot of work. I can get jumpy and interject too soon, before the other person is even finished. Or I can go off in “dream land” because the person I’m talking to is long winded. Thanks for sharing these tips.
Char says
Thanks for stopping by Barbie!
Lora Lovin Osburn says
We were just talking about this very subject last night, due to an interesting mix at a dinner out! I so agree that it is a challenge to stay engaged sometimes. Good word!
Char says
Indeed! It takes being intentional – for me!