One of my favorite conversations with you is when you share your hopes and dreams for the future! When you were little, I prayed that God would plant passions inside of you that you would pursue.
I know how exciting it is to have a passion in your heart that, when you pursue it, brings an incredible sense fulfillment.
Imagine the moment an artist steps back from his painting and sees the beauty of the colors he has weaved together with each brush stroke. Examining the canvas, he takes in the landscape and analyzes the story which the colors and textures convey. Whether it’s painting, writing or serving others – whatever it is…
Our passions bring life. And fulfillment. And there’s nothing like it!
I love to see those passions inside of you! When you start talking about them – I am all ears!
Being your mom, I can see your potential and how you can use that zeal you have, along with your gifts, talents, and dreams and break the glass ceiling of what you think your limits are!! Go baby go!!! I’m ready to grab my pom-poms!!!!
Even though I’ve spent your lifetime telling you how much I believe in you, I’m smart enough to know that you still have to deal with your own inner thoughts. We all have a cacophony of voices that chatter and battle in our heads. They tell us we’re a failure when we make mistakes and we’re amazing when we’ve had the smallest success….. Those voices really can’t be trusted!
This probably won’t surprise you, since you know me so well…. but I like to call the positive voices in my head the Victory (I actually see myself with hands held high in a winning stance!), and the negative voices in my brain the Monster (oh, he’s ugly!). When I hear those negative thoughts that want to hold me back… I tell myself it’s the Monster talking again. Sometimes, I actually talk back to the Monster and other times I see myself victorious with successful hands held high!
I know it’s silly, but it helps to personify the battle within.
Today I wanted to write to you about a catchphrase the Monster recites quite often which I’m pretty sure you’ve heard as well. It’s titled, “You Are an Imposter, a Fake!”
He tells me I’m a fake when I try something scary – like writing you letters and publishing them. He reminds me when I try to enter into a conversation with unfamiliar people, or when I teach a class, or when I tell people I’m starting a business, and on and on. He’s incredibly persistent!
Because people don’t really talk about this much, I wanted to write you about it. Hey, that’s what moms do! Have you ever heard similar taunting?
It’s part of our humanity to doubt ourselves. In fact, doubting ourselves keeps us from being arrogant and condescending with others. But if we don’t control the Monster, we can struggle inwardly with self-doubt that wears us down like sandpaper. When we begin to believe the doubts, we believe that we are an imposter…a fake. And we’re stifled. Paralyzed.
Have you ever felt stifled by fear, inadequacy,or doubt? Remember when you tried out for track and you were sure you weren’t going to make the team? Oh, Dad and I encouraged you, coaxed you, and reassured you that you’d make the team. You practiced and practiced until you almost fainted throughout those hot summer days. Dad and I felt awful because we couldn’t convince you that you were capable. It wasn’t until you listened to a motivational speaker, and then pinned those positive affirmations on your bathroom mirror, that you were able to overcome your own Monster. And you did it!!! We were soooooooooo happy for you!
Self-doubt is rarely logical. The imposter syndrome is real. Many people struggle with it. When you start to have the doubts that taunt you and call you an imposter, I encourage you to take these steps:
1. Log your victories
Keep a journal of your victories no matter how big or small. Every victory counts towards reaching a goal. They will build up before you know it!
2. Look to others who have walked the road you are on
Contact them, be honest, and listen to their experiences. You will quickly discover that, they too, had to push past the imposter syndrome as well. Surprisingly, you will find that you are on the right path.
3. Get a Bird’s Eye view –
Take a step back and look at your situation with perspective. Have you ever had a friend that came to you with their doubts and as you listened, you thought to yourself, “What are you talking about?! You’re already doing this! And if you continue on, you can be an expert, etc.!” It’s easy for you to believe in them and see their potential – because you’re on the outside not experiencing what they’re experiencing in their shoes/brain. You’re removed from the emotional stress. Logic is overwhelmed by emotions. The higher your emotions are, the more difficult it is to think straight. Step back and look at your situation as if it was a friend. Realize that everyone struggles with doubts. Be honest and talk about them. You’ll soon see you are perfectly normal!
4. Ignite the Coach Within You –
I’ve seen you cheer for your friends. You’re an amazing encourager! Cheer yourself on. Listen, you can’t get away from yourself so you might as well be the one voice that speaks positively towards your aspirations.
Seriously, I’m smart enough to know that there’s no ‘4 easy steps’ to anything that’s challenging but I thought having some tools would help. Unless you’re a superhero you’re going to come across challenges that you may not be able to overcome. That’s okay. Those aren’t mistakes. Those are lessons you learn to put in your toolbox for the next attempt.
If you are true to who you are and what you believe you have in your heart to accomplish, you will never be a fraud. You will be – truly you. Okay, that may be corny, but you know what I mean!
No one can take away what you know in your heart. And I look forward to you pursuing everything that God has planted in there. He gives you the desire, but you’ll have to work at it. He will be with you every step. I’ve heard it said – if He calls you, He will equip you. That doesn’t mean it will come easy, just that it WILL come – so persevere!!!! With each victory (no matter how small) you gain confidence to see your potential lived out!
Go! Go! Go!
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Michele Morin says
So good to put this right out there on the table. I can remember hearing that others felt this way and being so relieved.
Char says
It is extremely helpful to know we are not alone in our struggles. That one step helps me every day!
Yvonne Chase says
I LOVE the way you support and encourage your children to step out and find out. To pursue the thing that’s in their heart. To follow their curiosities. To try. To know that failing at something doesn’t mean you are a failure in life. To understand God’s plan for their lives and to follow it even if you as a parent don’t understand it.
I never had that from my parents or family. They never understood my life. The plan God had/has for my life is far different than the plan he had for my siblings. Their plan looked “normal” for lack of a better word while my plan looked “abnormal” and crazy.
His plan for my life didn’t make sense to me many times, however, I decided to obey God. That caused a lot of friction and conflict with my parents/family. God made me different than my siblings. Forget about the black sheep of the family, I’m like the hot pink sheep with stripes and polka dots. I love it in spite of all the problems it’s caused with my parents/family. God didn’t make one mistake when he created me. I say if you don’t like it, take it up with him and leave me alone.
The one thing every child wants and craves from their parent is support and encouragement. Keep giving that to your kids no matter what.
Char says
Thanks for sharing Yvonne. I remember sitting in a seminar when my children were young and hearing, “Don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole.” I’ve never forgotten that in regards to my children. It’s so important to let them be whoever God created them to be -whether they fit into a mold that I have or anyone else has. God didn’t make any mistakes. I’m so glad that you aren’t conforming and you are being exactly who He created you to be! There’s really no satisfaction in being anything other than you!!
Anita Ojeda says
I love the advice to get a bird’s eye view—it’s one we can use at any stage in our lives :). I’m loving this series!
Char says
Thanks Anita! I’ve told my kids for years to take a step back and get that perspective that takes the emotion out of it – bird’s eye view. It’s so helpful because we get so caught up in our emotions.
Patrick Weseman says
Very nice. I have always told my kids that they need to be themselves-honest, raw and organic. Also, I told them that the only person that they need to impress is looking back at them in the mirror every day.
Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
Char says
Get a nice Patrick! Thanks for stopping by.
Maree Dee says
Oh yes, I am familiar with that “monster talk.” I was just thinking what a fake I am because I skipped my quiet time with God all week. The monster was telling me I am ill-equipped to write about God moments when I can’t even start my morning with a little quiet time with God. But after reading your post, I hear God whispering something quite different. Yes, he wants me to spend time with him, but I haven’t been kicked out of the kingdom or the writing world because I skipped a few days. God is still with me.
Char says
WooHoo!!! Go girl go!
Laurie says
Love how you have labeled “The Monster” and “The Coach”. It reminds me of the old cartoons showing a person with an angel and a devil on their shoulders. Good advice to let the angel win!
Lauren Sparks says
Bravo, Mama! It can be so hard to watch my children struggle with the same insecurities I struggle with. I LOVE the Victory! laurensparks.net
Char says
So true Lauren! At the heart of issues I think we all struggle with the same things. Which means I can always relate to my children regardless of how old and crotchety I am!!!
Lisa notes says
“That doesn’t mean it will come easy, just that it WILL come – so persevere!” Perseverance is SUCH an important trait to nurture in our kids (and in ourselves too!). Thanks for sharing the encouragement with us, Char.
Char says
Thanks for your encouragement each week Lisa! Have a great week.
Gayl says
I love these letters you write each week. They are so full of helpful tips, love and compassion and remind us where our strength comes from. May God help all of us defeat that monster who says we are fake. Blessings to you, Char!
Crystal Twaddell says
Love your heart of encouragement and the words you write that we all think and feel.
Patricia says
Publish. Pursue. Perspective. Proclaim. All great tools to follow our dreams and be brave. Thank you for sharing!
Donna Reidland says
What a great list of ways to combat those negative voices that what to steal our trust in God and the confidence He wants to instill in us and our children. Thanks again for this series.